Lately.....

  Let's just quickly move past the fact that I've failed as a blogger by not posting in a gazillion years, and catch up with what's been going on lately.

  Let's see.....well a lot has been going on in my crazy, busy life. 

  Let's get the unhappy news out first. About five weeks ago T went to the gym on a Saturday morning and while on the way home was hit by another car who decided that they didn't really need to stop at a stop sign, even though T was turning right in front of them. Thankfully, T was not injured at all in the accident! He had driven my car that morning and the poor baby was just crushed. 

 

 

  Everything was settled and we were able to get another car within a few weeks. It's definitely a bigger and different type of vehicle, but we figured since we had to get another car we may as well get the "mommy car" now, rather than later. 

 

 

  On to happier and more exciting news........

  About 5 weeks ago I started taking and am now distributing a very awesome product. It's called Juice Plus. 

 

 

  It's been around for about 20 years and is backed up by over 30 published scientific research studies. It's basically a salad bar in a capsule. 

 

 

  The daily serving is equal to 17 servings of fruits and vegetables. Now, I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, but I know that most days I'm probably not getting the recommended 9-13 servings. Our bodies work best when they're fueled properly.  I'm already noticing positive results after only a few weeks and I'm excited to see what the future holds! If you'd like more info on Juice Plus please contact me under the "Contact Me" tab and I'll be happy to tell you more.

  Now, even more exciting news!

  Over Labor Day weekend T and I went on vacation! We hadn't been anywhere in a long time, so this trip was long overdue. 

  Before we met T took a solo vacation to Sedona, AZ and since the day we met he's been telling me about it and talking about how he wanted to take me there. We began searching for a vacation destination in July and I told him that we needed to make Sedona happen! 

 

 

 

  I completely loved our trip! Sedona and Arizona as a whole is amazing and beautiful. I'd always imagined Arizona to be sand, cactus and HOT! Now, we did experience that in Phoenix when we flew in, but those pre-conceived ideas quickly disappeared as we took the highway north. Arizona was mountains and rivers and gorgeous. 

 

 

 

  We spent the majority of our trip in Sedona, but did take one day to check out the Grand Canyon. We hiked.....A LOT! 11 miles in one day! We returned from our vacation tired, sore and so happy that we'd had the chance to visit Sedona! I would definitely recommend it for anyone who is looking for a beautiful place to visit.

Finding the calm after the storm

I know I haven't written in a long time. Life just caught up with me and blogging was far from my mind. But I truly enjoy it and in a time like this I need to do something that I enjoy. Life has been rough the past week and a half. It's crazy to think that so much tragedy and pain can happen in such a short time.

Lets go back to the beginning. On Sunday, April 28th after three pregnancy tests, (I wanted to be really sure) T and I were ecstatic to discover that we were expecting our first child. We had waited for this day for so long and were so happy to see our dreams coming true. When we first got married we decided that we'd wait a year before we started trying. Well, life happens. We decided we weren't completely ready.....we wanted to pay off some debt first.....we decided to sell our first home and move. Things happened and here we are, almost married 3 years and we'd finally decided we were ready! We were so excited to share the news with our family and close friends. We were so ready for this!

And then, on Mother's Day things started to fall apart. We went to the emergency room only to be told that things looked okay and to just follow-up with my doctor. On Tuesday I had an appointment with my OB/GYN and they couldn't really figure out what was going on. They weren't sure if I was having a miscarriage or if I had an ectopic pregnancy. I was sent home to await blood results and based on their levels would possibly have to return that evening for surgery. I ended up not having to have surgery that day, but it was concluded the next day that I was most likely having a miscarriage. 

Last Friday I had a D&C. It was the first time I've ever been a patient in the hospital and it was the first time I'd ever experienced major anesthesia. I was very nervous to be having surgery, not to mention that it was all taking place after a tragic loss. The surgery was quick and we were back home sooner than I'd anticipated. 

The support we've received from family and friends has been tremendous. From calls, texts, cards, gifts and a homemade meal, everything has meant so much. 

I think I'm dealing with everything as best as I can. We are trying to get life back to a sense of normalcy. T is truly my rock and has been taking such wonderful care of me.  

Along with trying to heal physically I'm really struggling with figuring out why this happened. This baby was wanted so badly and we were ready. I consider myself a pretty healthy person and yet my body rejected this pregnancy. Everyone says that it's nothing you did, but it's hard to comprehend that when it was my body that did it. I start questioning everything I could have done that caused it. Did I eat something that was bad? Was my workout too intense, even though everything I'd read said it was okay as long as I felt comfortable? The list could go on and on.....but I know that I can't beat myself up about it. 

T and I are trying to stay positive and focused on the future....but I think that's the thing that scares me the most. I'm so worried that when I get pregnant again I'll be so scared it's going to happen again, and I know that stress is not good for me or the baby. I just have to remember to keep the faith. If and when the Lord blesses us with another pregnancy I will praise Him for the wonderful gift and put my trust in Him that everything will work out. 

Thank you for your prayers and support. I'll be back soon!

Happy Thanksgiving and don't give up on me.....

  Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I can't believe that it's already Thanksgiving. Due to some recent craziness (yeah, I'm gonna cover that) the holiday has really snuck up on me!

  I've been planning on writing this post for awhile. I know that I was doing really great when I started this blog about two months ago. Many of you enjoyed reading my many weekly posts, along with my Motivational Mondays and Friday Funnies...and then, the past week or two it's been like the crickets chirping.....The Life of a Ginger Warrior fell off a hill somewhere! Where did she go!!?? I want to apologize to all of you. My life has been pure craziness, and the blog has suffered. But I want to share with y'all all the craziness and excitement that has been going on!

  First topic of craziness! I've had my Mom's cookbooks reprinted!

   As many of you many remember, I featured my Mom's cookbook in an earlier post, http://ginger-warrior.blogspot.com/2012/09/honoring-my-mom.html
   My Mom's cookbook was originally published 13 years ago, shortly after she passed away from cancer. We only had a small number printed the first time, and they quickly sold out, so for 13 years people have been asking my family how they could get their hands on another copy! So...I decided to take a leap of faith and have them reprinted. I now have 500 copies sitting in my guest room, and am praying they sell!

   I've sold a little over 50 copies in about two weeks, and I'm going to be selling them at a big event in my hometown this weekend. If you're interested in getting one, please contact me at the email that's under my Contact Me tab.
   Ok, next topic of craziness! T and I are moving! In four weeks! Crazy! So....we've always known that our home wouldn't be our "forever home." We had kinda thought that we'd stay here until we had kids and then move before they started school, so that they'd go to better schools. Well....mortgage rates are freaking amazing right now!! And...it was a good time, financial, for us...so we figured, why not? We talked to a friend of ours, who's a realtor and decided to list our house on the market. We spent about a week just tidying up and staging a few things. Last Thursday night (so a week ago) our house went on the market. On Saturday we had our first showings. Saturday afternoon we got an offer, over our asking price. Sunday we entered into the contract. Monday we went to look at new homes. Tuesday we made a decision on a new home. And, yesterday, we made a offer and signed a contract on a new home! Um....yeah, CRAZY!! We are SO excited! We never anticipated it happening this fast, but we're so excited.
  So, again I want to apologize for just falling off the side of a cliff when it comes to keeping up with my blog. I will really try harder throughout the next several weeks as I get ready for our move. And as we get into our new home I will definitely get back into the swing of blogging a lot more! Thank you for not giving up on me!

I was the chubby kid

  Oh, where do I begin to talk about how I weighed 220 pounds by the time I was 19 years old, how I lost more than half of that weight, and the craziness in between.
   Well...I was not extremely overweight throughout my childhood. I was also not a super skinny little kid. By the time I was 11 or 12 I was a little chunky, but not super chunky. I would say I maybe weighed 20 or so  pounds more than most of my little girlfriends. I was just as active as them, as we all played every sport in middle school. And I mean every sport! When you live in a small town you get to play everything, because there's not a ton of kids. I played volleyball, basketball, tennis, and ran track.....did I miss anything? Was I good at any of these sports? Oh, heck no! I was horrible at sports, but I wasn't going to be the only girl in my little clan who was in Athletics. So I got out there and did my darnedest! And when high school came along, I quit.

My best friend, Sarah, and I at our 8th grade Valentine's Dance

Sarah and I at my wedding, still besties!

  In high school I was a band nerd and on the school newspaper staff. Some of the pounds started packing on at that time. My Mom passed away one month into my freshman year, so that really affected my eating habits. My Mom had always been the cook in the house. She was an amazing cook and even ran her own cafe, so after she was gone we didn't really eat healthy. My Dad worked really long hours, so my brother and I were usually on our own at dinner time, and Hamburger Helper was easy. I also probably did a lot of emotional eating during that time. My Mom was gone....my world was upside down. I was about 195 pounds by the time I graduated from high school. I continued to gain weight over the next few years.
   I know this will probably sound weird, but I can't even remember my food choices or how exactly I got to 220 pounds.....mainly because I just had a huge, and I mean HUGE lack of awareness when it came to food. I convinced myself, ok lied to myself, and said that I was happy and that's all that mattered. I just ate whatever I wanted, when I wanted, and I never did any kind of exercise. Now that I've changed all that I sit back sometimes and think about certain meals that I used to eat, and I cry. Honestly, I will cry because I just don't know how I was so unaware. For one example, my Dad used to take my brother and I to school, but on the way he'd stop at a gas station in town that sold breakfast tacos, so that we could get something for breakfast. I would go inside and get two greasy breakfast tacos, a honey bun and a 21 oz. Dr. Pepper. Oh my goodness! Tear.

Me, at my HS graduation, 2003

   Ok....wipe up the tears, and let's move on.
   So....I vividly remember the time right before I started losing weight. My Dad and Stepmom decided to have a little destination wedding, so a few months afterwards they threw a big party for all our family and friends back home. I remember I was getting ready for the party, and decided to weigh myself. I don't even know how I had a scale. It was probably one of those purchases when I'd convinced myself that I was going to get healthy. Those little spurts tended to last a few days, maybe a week at the most.....and then I would again convince myself that I was happy, and that's all the really mattered. That day when I weighed myself, I was 220 pounds.
   Soon after that day some wonderful friends opened a fitness center in our little town. It was the first time we'd ever seen anything like that in a place that didn't even have a stoplight. I began working out there.....slowly, but surely. I remember when I first started I wasn't even able to do three minutes on the elliptical without feeling like death was knocking at my door.....or trying to knock me off of that machine! Three minutes!!
   I slowly began to lose weight because I went from absolutely no activity to actually moving. I don't know what motivated me to keep at it this time around, but I did. At this time I was just working out, my eating habits had not changed.
   After awhile I discovered that if I changed the way I ate and continued to exercise, I'd lose even more weight! Such a innovative and new idea, I know!
   So, when that change occurred I always say that that's when I went crazy. Once I figured out eating less helped you lose weight I took it a bit too far....ok, a lot too far! I became obsessed, and I mean OBSESSED with calories! I never went out to eat, I counted every single calorie that went into my mouth, and I wouldn't even touch anything if I didn't know exactly how many calories were in. I remember having anxiety if I knew there was an upcoming event and I wouldn't be able to control what I was going to eat. There were a lot of things going on in my life that I couldn't control, but eating was not one of them. I could completely control what I ate. I had that power.
   During this time I also became a slave to my scale. I would weigh myself every morning, and would also experience anxiety over this also.

Me, too skinny

  Food became my addiction....but not in one of those ways that you go crazy and eat tons of ice cream and oatmeal pies. I hated eating. I did not want to put calories into my body. You know how with other addictions (smoking, drinking, drugs etc.) if you have the willpower you just stop. Well, with food you can't just stop....unless you want to die. Well, I didn't want to die....even though I may have gotten pretty close.
   I never had anorexia or bulimia. Thanks to a ton of support from people in my community and church I did reach out for help. I went to a counselor for awhile. She said that I had body dysmorphic disorder, disordered eating and definitely some obsessive compulsive disorder. Let me explain the first two, as I'm sure you probably know about OCD. Body dysmorphic disorder and disordered eating both fall under the category of eating disorders, you just don't hear about them as much as anorexia or bulimia.
   Body dysmorphic disorder is defined as a chronic mental illness in which you can't stop thinking about a flaw with your appearance. I suffered from this for one main reason. When you lose a lot of weight you will be left with tons of loose skin. And, I mean a lot! I lost over 2 feet just in my waist. That was a lot of skin that had nowhere to go. Even after I'd lost over 100 pounds I still felt like I was fat, because I continued to view the loose skin as fat. I still struggle with this a little bit....but each day is a little better.
   Disordered eating is when you have an unhealthy relationship with food and/or your body. You tend to constantly think about food/meal plans, obsess about stepping on the scale, feel upset about minor fluctuations in weight, feel upset/guilty over a missed workout, restrict food intake below a healthy amount, and feel out of control about food. This was me to a perfect "T." There is nothing more to say...the definition says it all. My life, my every moment revolved around thinking (obsessing) about what I was going to eat next, and in turn, how I was going to burn it off.
   The lowest weight I got down to 103 pounds. I know you're probably thinking that's not that low, especially considering I'm only 5'3". 103 looks good on some people. 103 did not look good on this girl! My face was extremely shrunken in and bones were protruding out all over my body. Not good!
   I don't remember the exact moment that I turned "crazy" and I don't know the exact moment that I crawled back out, but thankfully I did. I actually got my weight back up to 145, but now am at a healthy and happy 125.
   I no longer obsess about calories, although I do currently still record everything that I eat. This feels safe for me. Safe is not the same as crazy....I promise. I do workout 6 days a week. A lot of my priorities have changed though. When I started this journey I wanted to lose weight so I looked better. 220 pounds didn't look good. I now focus on my eating and exercising as a healthy lifestyle. My grandmother and my mother both passed away at a very young age from cancer. I want to break the cycle and I'll do everything I can to do that.

Me, at 220 pounds

Me, at 103 pounds

Me, today at 125 pounds

Where I came from

  Now onto how I became the person that I am today. Because I've got 27 years of history to tell, you better cozy on up, make yourself a nice cup of tea, and get ready for hours of reading. I kid, I kid! We'll keep this short and sweet.

I was forever Raggedy-Ann for Halloween

  So, as I previously told you, I grew up in a small Texas town. I was actually born in Dallas, but before I started kindergarten my parents decided to get the heck out of that crazy, big place. We moved to the town where my Mom had grown up and most of her family continues to live today.
  I have a younger brother who came along two days before my third birthday, stealing all my thunder. We always had a big conjoined birthday party when we were growing up. Yeah, we didn't think it was that great, but now that we're older we think it's pretty cool that our birthdays are so close. My Dad still gets out the easy way.....taking us out to dinner at the same time. It's ok though.....we love the guy.

The whole gang

  Ok....now for the sad part. When I was about 7 or 8 (I cant exactly remember) my Mom was diagnosed with cancer for the first time. It was a very difficult time, and I know it was scary for her because she'd lost her own Mom to cancer when she was 19 or 20, I think. My Mom went through chemo and a bone marrow transplant and still remained the strongest woman out there. Like I said, I was young so I don't remember all the specifics, but I remember being told that Mommy was better and in something they called remission. Despite our hopes, faith and prayers my Mom's cancer returned a few years later. I know she had some minor treatments, not chemo, and was "better" again soon. We thought that surely she was done with this battle....but when I was 13 she was diagnosed again. This time it was bad.....it was everywhere. She went through chemo again. I even remember my Dad and her going to Mexico to get some special, new treatment. My Mom fought hard. She had the most amazing attitude and continued to run her cafe (which had been her lifelong dream) everyday. And then, on a Tuesday afternoon surrounded by her family and friends, my Mom went to Heaven. My life was changed....it would never be the same. 

My Mom and our deer, Mary

  You know how people say that a picture cannot do something justice? Whether it's a beautiful landscape or a newborn baby.....you just don't truly understand it unless you've experienced it firsthand. Well....that's how my Mom was. I feel like there are no words to describe how amazing she was. She loved everyone, and everyone loved her.
  I try to live my life everyday striving to be half of the woman that she was. And I would give anything in this world to have one more day with her. Now that I've grown up, gotten married, and am thinking about babies, there's so many questions that pop into my head that I wish I could ask my Mom. I wish I knew the things that had happened to her as she went through the same experiences, and the ways that she overcame the challenges and celebrated the joys. Sometimes those are things that only a mother, your mother, can know.

My Mom and I, 1986

  Ok....sad part over.
  My Dad has remarried, and my stepmom and I get along wonderfully. My brother is graduating from college in a few months, and I couldn't be more proud. After our Mom passed away life wasn't always a cake walk, but we've both done the best with what life has handed us.
  After high school I went on to college, and finally....after 5.5 years....I graduated!!! I thought I'd never finish, but I was working two jobs, so it took a while. T likes to joke with me sometimes by calling me a doctor. He says I went to college long enough that I should be one. Oh....gotta love him.

My Dad and Step-mom with me at college graduation

  So....that's enough of my past. Oh...but there's one more thing, and I'll get to it in my next posting. I'll share with you about how I got to 220 pounds by the time I was 19, how I lost more than half of that weight, and the crazy, intense, emotional battle in between. Oh, that will be good. Don't miss it!

The me I am today

  So now that I've wrangled you in and you're giddy with excitement for my next posting allow me to tell you a little bit about myself.
My name is Megan. I'm 27.....even though some days I have do the calculation because I forget how old I am. Does that happen to anyone else? I've come to the conclusion that if it's not a milestone birthday, you (ok, maybe just me) tend to forget which year you're on. Ok....so enough about my ever-increasing age.
  I live in San Antonio, TX. Remember the Alamo! Ok....not really. Well, yes really. I love history. I have visited the Alamo twice in my life, mainly because it's overcrowded with tourists and we never really go downtown. Well, actually I go downtown everyday, as my job is there, but we don't venture down there in our free time. Who is this "we" I speak of??
  Well the other half of "we" is my wonderful husband, Tomas. I will refer to him as "T", mainly because he thinks it makes him sound cool. He is a pretty cool guy. I love him to pieces. We recently celebrated our second anniversary a few months ago. I never imagined life could be so much fun, but when you get to "do life" with your best friend every day, it's pretty awesome!

Our wedding day, July 24, 2010

  The other person in our house, ok side note.....she's really a dog but don't tell her that, is Molly. She is a 3 year old West Highland White Terrier (aka a Westie). You know...the little Cesar dog food mascot....yeah, that's her, only she's cuter. Ok, maybe I'm a little biased. Anyways, we've had her for almost 2 years. She was just a sad, little doggy on Craigslist until I swept in and rescued her. Before Molly came along, T and I always swore we wouldn't become "those dog people." A dog is a dog. Ok, and then Molly appeared and we've been ruined! Our world revolves around this little, white fuzz ball. She is spoiled and oh does she know it! Wait till we have children! Goodness we're in for an adventure.
  When I'm not hanging out with the hubby and the puppy I'm probably at work. I work with the Marketing team for a life insurance company. I love it. The people I work with are awesome, and I truly believe in the importance of life insurance.
  I've only lived in San Antonio for about 3.5 years. I'm originally from a small town in the Texas Hill Country about an hour north of San Antonio, and I continued to live there until I graduated from college. When I say small, I mean small! We just got our first stoplight last year. I say "we" because sometimes I still like to imagine that I live there. I'm a country girl at heart, and even after almost 4 years I still struggle at times with living in the city.......and don't even get me started on traffic. I'll probably never get used to it, but hey, when you spent the first 24 or so years of your life in a town without even a stoplight, it's not really an issue that you had to deal with very frequently.

  When I'm not hanging out with the hubby and puppy, working, or trying to survive San Antonio traffic you'll probably find me working out, cooking up yummy and healthy food, or with my nose stuck in a book. I will, of course, discuss these wonderful activities known as hobbies in much further detail in future postings.
  Now that you probably have a fairly good idea of the person that I am today and the life I lead, I'll give you all the juicy details of my past in my next posting. Oh, the past......we all have one. Of course, mine like many of yours, I'm sure, has the good, the bad and the ugly. I feel like the experience of writing all this out is going to be very freeing for me as I continue on the journey of learning to accept myself. Oh, we'll get to that too. Goodness! Someone get the Kleenex!